GRRRRAND MOMSTER
Posted on | October 24, 2011 | 1 Comment
Yes…here she is. The epitome of terrifying and No. Last in the Momster series.
(See the full series!)
A terrifying, evolved and mutated strain – The Grrrrandmomster
Name: Magnimomicus Impero
Characterized by:
- critiquing everything you’re trying to accomplish
- feeding your kids everything that you won’t let them eat
- buying your kids the stuff that you won’t let them have
- telling you to chill out about it “for goodness sake!”
Kids identified by:
- wanting to stay with Grandma instead of coming home with you. (Hah! Revenge!)
Momster: Supermatrix Unrealisticata
Posted on | October 17, 2011 | 1 Comment
The Monster of all Momsters:
Name: Supermatrix Unrealisticata
Commonly known as: Super Mom
Characterized by:
- organized house
- spotless car
- bankbook in order
- freezer full of turkey lasagna
- an irritatingly chirpy facebook status that often end with “phew!”
- a cupboard full of Xanax
Kids identified by:
- being better than yours
Momster: Sporticus Crazicata
Posted on | October 10, 2011 | 2 Comments
This week’s Momster:
Name: Sporticus Crazicata
Commonly known as: Crazy Fan Stand Mom
Characterized by:
- throbbing veins under turquoise eyeshadow
- a hoarse voice and Gatorade® flavoured throat lozenges
- a spectacular mastery of modern profanities that often involve body excrement, spiritual teachers and the words: “muncher”, “git” and “on a cracker”
Children identified by:
- a complete indifference to sports
Momster: Progenitor Narcissus
Posted on | October 3, 2011 | No Comments
Run away! Run away!
Name: Progenitor Narcissus
Commonly known as: Know it all Mommy
Characterized by:
- happily chuckling to herself about how she is SO WEIRD for having her diaper bag organized by hue and smell. I guess she’s just a GREAT MOM, DON’T YOU THINK?
- lecturing you on motherhood, parenting, children and discipline recited word for word from Dr. Phil.com
- letting you know all of her plans for her kid until he turns 47. (Since he likes playing with the contents of his diaper, he’s obviously a genius so she’s putting him in advanced playdoh modeling.
- knowing exactly what you should do with your crying kid 23 seconds after meeting him.
- not knowing where her kid is at the moment. Oh well, she’s helping you, right now.
Children identified by:
- being hands-down the most obnoxious child in the room.
Momster: Workus Holicus
Posted on | September 26, 2011 | No Comments
Name: Workus Holicus
Commonly known as: Workaholic Mother
Characterized by:
- only being able to identify her by her hand held organizer or blogger name
- bluetooth exacerbated eye-twitch
- her head snapping off completely at any face-to-face human interaction
- writing absence notes for her children in point form and ending with “L8r”
Children identified by:
- thr awsum abliT 2 Ntertain thmslvs
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Thanks for the Note!
{ Thanks Elle! Baby number 2 is entering the terrible twos... } – Sep 11, 6:35 AM
{ The Terrible Twos are actually really cute, too. We especially... } – Sep 11, 3:23 AM
{ I loved this story. Floating heads, lol! Sweetly evil.
} – Jun 24, 3:21 PM{ hi jenna, i'm a friend of celia's and i think... } – Jun 03, 1:56 PM
{ This was really beautiful to read, Anna. I'm so happy... } – May 25, 1:29 PM
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