Hello Dolly Bars
Posted on | September 13, 2011 | 4 Comments
Dedicated to Sarah, stuck in the hospital and on a diabetic diet. Love ya!
What makes a Mommy Brain recipe, you might ask?
There are a few criteria: Is it quick? Easy? Can it be done with one hand? Easy to freeze? Can it be done while there are a million things going on around you?
Is it impossible to screw up no matter how hard you try?
These are all important things. And this lovely little dessert recipe falls under that last criteria.
I got this recipe from Il Duce over at Fascist Foodie. It had few ingredients, a quick prep time and frankly looked good. I decided to make it for a potluck.
Here’s the run down. (Go to his site to get proper instructions).
Ingredients
Crust
- 1 cup graham crumbs
- 1/2 cup melted butter
Filling
- 2 cups chocolate chips
- 1 cup walnuts/pecans
- 1 cup coconut
- 1 can condensed milk
Preparation
Mix graham crumbs with cooled melted butter.
Get screaming baby up from her nap and hold her squirmy, 18 lb mass while trying to pat the crust firmly at the bottom of a baking dish with the 2 fingers you can be sure are clean.
Finally give up and place baby beside work area. Fantasize about baby’s happy memories of working with Mummy in the kitchen a là Like Water For Chocolate.
Remember when you could watch movies over and over and over? Yeah. Those days are gone.
Lament past life.
Turn around to wash hands properly.
Damn you super-cute-but-totally-useless purple booties.
Remove booties from graham crust.
Remove baby from counter and put her in jolly jumper.
Remove screaming baby from jolly jumper and place her in swing.
Remove screaming baby from swing and lie her down on the mat.
Remove screaming baby from mat. Hold baby for the duration of cooking process.
Skip measuring out ANYTHING. Rip open all packages with your teeth and dump unceremoniously on the crust.
Add the condensed milk.
Realize too late that you’re pouring baby formula on top because the cans are flipping identical.
I hate you.
Curse.
Open the condensed milk and pour over top.
Use stray chopstick to mix this around with the filling trying not to disturb the fragile crust.
(Curse yourself for not mixing the filling in a separate bowl earlier as Il Duce suggests.)
Good enough.
Preheat oven to 350.
Cue sugar addicted toddler.
As it’s only 8am and it looks like barf, refuse.
Cue tantrum.
Banish both children to another room. Turn on Toopy and Binoo. Run back to kitchen because Toopy kinda gives you the creeps.
Cook the bars for 25 minutes, plus an extra 5 minutes or so to evaporate the formula.
It surprisingly looked just like the picture when it came out.
Not Mine.
Cut it up into crumbly little squares.
Eat at least a quarter of the tray before noon and smile with a solid poker face at any compliments at the accursed potluck.
Thanks Il Duce!
Prep time approximately 7.5 hours.
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4 Responses to “Hello Dolly Bars”
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September 13th, 2011 @ 9:11 am
Very curious to know if the formula added a certain je ne sais quoi to the recipe.
I actually omitted the additional time constraints of having high maintenance individuals nearby. In my case it was just needy cats and I can put them in a crate. Too bad you can’t do that with kids. …or can you?
September 13th, 2011 @ 10:14 am
I’m not sure if the formula added something a little special, except for maybe iron and omega 3 for healthy brain development?
Playpen = crate. I just don’t have one.
September 14th, 2011 @ 11:55 am
Very honored for the dedication … And i actually cried laughing while reading your recipe. If it makes you feel any better – moms used to use condensed milk AS baby formula … So it’s probably basically just the same stuff anyway, right? I mean, all those older generations turned out juuuust fiiiine.
Miss u, screaming toddler, and gigantababy.
Glad to hear you’re cooking again
September 15th, 2011 @ 1:27 am
First time by your site and laughed really hard at that! Thanks, I needed a good laugh.
I’ll be back!
aloha,